How to Survive the Holiday Dinner Without Discussing Politics (or Surviving at All)

The holidays are a time for togetherness, joy, and of course, food. But let’s be real, the real challenge is surviving the family dinner without a political debate turning into a war zone. But don’t worry, we’ve got your survival guide, packed with humor, sarcasm, and just a dash of holiday spirit (mostly in the form of wine).

First Commandment: Never Be the First to Bring Up Politics
If you’ve been invited to a family gathering, there’s a 99% chance you’re walking into a room where everyone is pretending not to have an opinion. Don’t ruin it. If you do, brace yourself for an hour-long conversation about something that, frankly, could have been avoided if someone had just made another batch of mashed potatoes.

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Second Commandment: The Silent Treatment is Golden
If someone dares to open the Pandora’s box of political debates, give them a blank stare so deep they’ll forget why they even started. Then, without skipping a beat, dive into the closest thing available — like, say, a fresh bowl of potatoes. Potatoes are the universal language of peace.

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Third Commandment: If You Don’t Like It, Keep Quiet and Eat
There’s no need to argue over how Aunt Mildred makes her stuffing or why someone insists on bringing the same cranberry sauce every year. Just nod, take another serving, and smile. Nothing says "I’m fine with this" like overloading your plate with food you’re about to pretend to enjoy.

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Fourth Commandment: When Someone Bores You, Bore Them Back
If you find yourself trapped in a never-ending monologue about the latest economic collapse or some other global catastrophe, remember, revenge is a dish best served cold. Serve them another stuffed cabbage roll. They’ll either stop talking out of sheer mouthfuls, or you’ll be forced to wait for them to choke on their own political rants.

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Fifth Commandment: Sweet Revenge Is a Spoonful of Sugar
If all else fails, let them fight their battles while you quietly sneak in the sweetest weapon of all: dessert. Don't let them distract you with “urgent matters” while you dive headfirst into that chocolate cake. And if anyone questions your second piece, simply ask, “Do you know how many calories are in your opinion?”

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Sixth Commandment: Alcohol – Your Best Friend
At a family dinner, alcohol is like the Swiss Army knife of conversation tools. Keep it flowing, but don’t overdo it. If you do, you’ll end up being the one who everyone turns to when they need someone to blame for the argument over mashed potatoes. 

"Is it the potatoes or the wine talking? I’ll let you decide."

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Seventh Commandment: Just Say “No” to Food Shaming
If anyone dares to comment on your serving size, politely remind them that portion control is for people who aren’t living their best lives. After all, it's the holidays. Go ahead, eat that third slice of pie and call it "a cultural experience."

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Eighth Commandment: Don’t Use Food as a Political Tool
Never, I repeat, never use food as a bargaining chip in an argument. There’s no need to convince Aunt Sharon that your potato salad is superior to hers. Instead, just quietly take another serving and hope for the best. Because we all know that silence and potatoes go hand in hand.

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Ninth Commandment: Don’t Be That Person Who Counts Drinks
We’re all guilty of pouring a little more wine than we should, but let’s be honest: the person who’s keeping track of everyone’s alcohol intake is a buzzkill. Unless you’re hosting, leave the micromanaging to someone else. Instead, pour yourself a glass, nod, and pretend to listen to whatever discussion is happening about world peace (or lack thereof).

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Tenth Commandment: When All Else Fails, Suggest a Game
Nothing deflects from a heated debate like a game of "Pictionary" or "Monopoly." And if that fails, start a good old-fashioned card game. It’s amazing how much easier it is to agree on which card to play than to agree on who should be in charge of the economy.

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So, there you have it, the foolproof survival guide to surviving (and thriving) at any family dinner. Remember, the holidays are about peace, love, and food… and most importantly, not accidentally starting World War III over dessert.